Unexpected Twist Of Tale

Invisible

2012-01-24T04:05:00.000-08:00

This is what i felt recently.. She sang it all. =_=

It Hurts(Slow)

2011-09-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Dear boy,

Somehow i think of you and this song bells out in my mind. Though the lyrics have nothing to say about what we were before but it's how the titles reconnect me with the memories of us. I thought of how close we were and what we could've been. I wanted you to know i never blame anything for what had happen between us or whoever it was who started the fire. I never regard you as anything worse or bad. I'm just happy that we've met and share some things that I have shared with you. Memories. I'm happy with the times that you were there for me-- though time have always envied our times together. I know how awkward things have become between us. We rarely see or spoke to each other anymore. Just so you know, I cry all the time thinking about our friendship. I've always thought that this is depression but i was wrong when all I think about is how we were before. It hurts to realized that we were closed before. I miss us. I'm just not sure what happened between us.

If there's anything i would do to get you back as my friend, i would fight for it. But i guess there's nothing i can do to force you anymore. I'm not sure if you ever read this-- but i can't hold this tears any more than i can right now. I wish you feel what i felt throughout all this time. I'm certainly lost. Though my girls assured me that I can do it without any of your presence. I just can't. I never asked for anything from a guy before but i just wish you could explain what happened between us. Why would you avoid me? Please tell me what have I done wrong? We use to be happy together-- Without you, I am alone-- despair--- heartbroken-- just living my life as i should but yes--- waiting anytime for those who really understand what i felt and catch me from these clouds of grief.

I never understand what I did that made you avoid me and left. Tell me the truth before I could start to think of you as a heartless jerk. Everyday i pray and prayed that Allah will give me any signs for you to explain. Why? Why? Why? Nowadays I'm just a harmless spirit who wanders her sins for her own despair or loneliness. I really like you as my friend and i would never want to hurt you whatsoever. If one day you will reject any of my feelings for you, I would readily be prepared and still love you as a friend. But you left without any reasons, i say you did it!! How did you do it? Were you ever happy being friends with me? Or am I just a tempt? Am I just not fit to be your friend? I can never tell how you really break me down. U simply cropped out my soul, you smashed it bad. I can see your happy with your life now. Whilst I am just wondering about us and crying myself like a whimpy bitch.

Tell me why did it have to be like this? If i can find any of your reason make sense, I myself will gladly walked away. I just wanna know why? Hoping your reason will dry my tears for our friendship every night. I just hope you know.

Sincerely,

The one you left without any reason,

Me.

P/s: hope you find your peace my dear. =.=' happy always.

I Questions..

2011-09-14T04:43:00.000-07:00

Dear anonymous,

What I've been through the past few days? Of course there are happy ones, depressing ones and not to leave behind the internal frustrations I've been through. You can consider it anything you want but it's just how I felt for the longest time since the start of the semester. Believe or not, I am happy and content with my recent school life. What's not to like? I've got a great modules, I still have some of my friends around (well at least i think they are), I manage to know the bad and good sides of some people. Yes, the Uni had given so much more I could ask for FRIENDS & EDUCATION.

But what is it that inside of me is lacking. To tell you (blog) the truth, at some point of my life, there is a time when I feel like i wanted to distance myself from everybody else. It is always the feeling that I have. Why should I feel this way? Why would I want to distant myself from everybody else? First of all, is the people i no longer wished to see or speak to. They are the bottom-pit mentality disruption of my mind. They never make me feel strong or happy instead it's depression that I tend to have. Certainly, I never have times to sort out what I felt about live in school to even my closest girls, never really want them to know what i really feel behind those laughs and jokes that i fed them with. I do miss them and a lot.. But when it comes to telling them how I really feel in my place right now.. I automatically locked my self out and giving out my alter ego for a change. At least I have learned well to alternate my content mode with my real ones. Yes, I have so much right now to be graceful for, caring and loyal friends, family and never ending assignments that distract me most of the time. I guess I'm thanking them for being the factors that most of the time change me into this 'happy ones'. Whilst most of the time, it's never been me.

Who am I? Do people really bother to know? Or do they really care? If i feel that they do or did, then why do I feel that they never know me that well. I told my stories, my family issues, maybe a bit of my drama-- I never really get enough of what I intend to feel. Is it a long term loneliness? Depression? Do I care that much of people that I can even figure out who I should care the most? Or is it the aftermath or the trauma I've consider 'silent' (as a result of previously continous backstabbing and talking back at each other) that makes me quiet uncomfortable? Is it a 'karma' of me talking bad about people who had hurt me the most? Do I Feel that I've been used by my friends most of the times? Is it paranoia? Why do I feel such Things?

Walking through that university, beside whats left of my gurls (Z and D), can't help but noticing people looking over me again and again, reminding me of the ghostly face portrayed in Evenascene's video clip (Going under). I cant help to think that maybe, they are the ones who knows me? My story? what i felt? Or they just simply disgust of who I am? Or did they talked behind my back about me without even knowing me? Maybe some people just spread rumours about me. But sometimes, what do I care, I never knew them anyway that I decided to look away from those minutes suspiscions and mind paranoia conciusness-- But somehow, i noticed that this is me when I'm in higschool. I've always been this paranoid. I might bluff it out but I never explain what is it really?

Also, I cant quiet figure out when I'm happiest the most. YES, i admit that I used to say that I'm the happiest when my girls around me. But as soon as I said it out loud, my hearts seems to fight the statement? When it really comes for everybody to sit around each other, I do feel the happiness most often but why besides that feeling, I have also felt otherwise? I can't figure it out. Just can't! Am I always destined to feel happier when I'm all alone in this mysterious world of mine? Or is it my thoughts that speaks of the thing in which I am always lonely no matter how much friends I've had/have-- "In the end, you are all alone?" the voice in my head assured me. So sometimes, it justified my actions on whether am I wanted to got somewhere with them or not? This feelings might change sometimes but its always the questions in my heart. I can never understand why it's there.

After taking this module (Creative Writing Short Story & Poetry), I felt like writing all of these questions down or blog about it? It does help me searching deep in my concious and unconcious fear of my life. And I guess, you should've guess my fear right now. I need this feeling note taking kind of thing. It really makes me think of what life have sorted out for me? or me sorted out for me? Is the feeling of being with your closest friends the happiest the most? Or is it when you're alone? I should tell you right now that my previous friendship never lasts, there's always a 'mole' in the story or it's a fact that we are just too distant in space and in life. Is that what I fear? Is the fact of what i think about some of my girls who entered my life before, now or later can be the cause of my incapability to hold a strong one? I really love all the girls I've had right now. I really, really, really do. & I hope they do sincerely care about me too. Is it a fact that friends only be there when they needed them the most? Should frineds be by my side 24/7? Or should every each of the member in a group of well-blended close friends have their own life to live and never being able to talk about it with each other?

P/s: In this particular note, I never intended to sound so clingy, desperate or have any doubts towards my girls. This has been the mostly replayed questions in my mind. It's my own self assessments of my own self, paranoia and regrets. Critical of myself. This is definitely a note I shall keep to my thoughts.

Sincerely,

Me.

Mixed Feelings

2011-08-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

Its good that we are friends and all and we kept teasing and make fun of/with each other. I'm freaking fine with it. But dude, please don't take me for granted! You can remember me as fun! But I am not, not all the time fun! Why can't some people take me seriously?? Am I that simplistic and carefree all the time in your eyes?? You know you should consider how i felt every now and then. Damn it, why can't you understand? I'm not the old me anymore.

I get it, I've been trying so hard to take care of everyone's feeling, HELL, i even back-down my selfishness and ego down just for the sake of your happiness. But seriously, though we never REALLY REALLY know each other that long and despite the lack of your commitment in being serious, why wouldn't you try to be sometimes. I HATE THIS!! I hate to be mad all by myself just because I am kinda mad at you, but wouldn't reveal it just because you're my friend and ended up being mad at me for a change. I mean I would really like for YOU to understand me and care for my feelings instead. WHY? WHY? WHY? Feels like I'm the only monster to be left with being frustrated with my self! So deeply emotional with everything nowadays and you gotta understand this. I know i can't force you to do so, but seriously, THINK! Sigh..

I guess you guys just can't take me seriously for what I've been through. Why does it have to be me, my fault, my issues, ME?? No matter how much i try to avoid feeling guilty. No matter how much I've tried to conquer the feelings of guilt. STILL, I felt like I'm to be blame. How could you people be so cruel leaving me alone with this demon inside of me. All that I asked for is for you all to understand that deep down inside of me.. with all the care and love that I gave for you is no less to care for what i am, what I feel/felt, What I stand for, For everything that I do. No more than that. Why can't you understand me? We've met along time ago but i am sure that you haven't dig deeper. It kills me to feel that I've been taken for granted all this time. Through all the laughs, cries, confusions and through all our times together. The question is, my friend, WHY? HOW? Big questions that need to be fueled with logical and pure reasoning answers. I would really like for what we had to lasts as it is.. maybe longer.. but seriously, do think for all the thoughts and feelings that we could have if we are going to be that close anymore. THINK! CONDUCT! THINK! CONDUCT! THINK AGAIN!

Goodluck with your life.
=='v

Like A Skyscraper

2011-08-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Salam and hello peeps,

With the song I've post, you could probably understand what i've been through so far and here's something I've composed to clear things out. It is called, "It is what i feared". Enjoy reading!

We all are well in the early years,
Singing our life out together,
As if we’re born under the same star,
Taking our chances with the risk of our hands,
Together, walk the path of life,
Un-expecting the consequences we are moving towards.

Just like a never ending luck bestowed upon us,
We move forward to walk the path together,
Like a never ending hope,
We prayed for our closely-knit bond to end well.
Oh, it is life without unexpected twist,
All good things are always moving towards its end.

The following days storm clouds gathered upon us,
Our faith and trust for each other,
All together experimented like a lab rat.
Like all the king’s horses and all his men,
In the Humpty Dumpty poem we used to cite,
We are trying hard to fix matters back to its normal shape.

Now that we all have realities of our own,
Guessing that we are unable to see what’s ahead,
We are involve with our own disappearance,
Ignorance, dilemmas,
And what I feared; loathe for each other.
Yes, most of us are resisting the facts,
In denial of what’s becoming of us,
Some of us didn’t even have a clue,
Yet some of us decided to defend what we have,
Even if it’s meant to be left with few hope.

As much as I can live through it,
I still can see shadow’s of the past;
Towards a woman who found her joy in love,
Towards our friends who lived through their conflicts
And resentments,
To a friend who once showed us that even;
“A fox can be relied on”, yet,
Who found his happiness in other promising “village”

In this very moment,
Only few of better parts of me left,
To cover what’s left of our trust and hopes.
Eagerly moving towards a new stretch of clouds together,
Facing our phobias and running towards the stars,
Yet quietly denying of what’s becoming ahead of us.

What the F***?

2011-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

How could you possibly did this to me, you double twisted bitch! Now i know what you two did behind my back! I cannot tolerate this shit anymore. You both have became such a wreck since you declared yourself together! And to you who i once trusted to be my sister, how dare you bitch! To my real (whom i decided to still respect, but dunno how to act right now) What have you done to our family's name?!!

Dear M, after all the tolerance i gave to you even if my parents hate you very much, you screw me back. Stupid! just because somebody tell you something which is UNTRUE, you dare to spread it to others?! About my parents lagi tu?! Who gave you the right bitch! I hate you right now and i'm not sure if forgiveness is ever exist for you. You stupid, stupid human! I never know why do you exists in my life, you ruin my parents and my reputation, you spoiled our friendship and most of all you vanished all the goodness i have left for you.. You better be careful where you're spreading your shit about my parents.. I shouldn't tolerate or forgive you in the first place.. double twisted twit! I shouldn't shouldn't even see or contact you or even see the sight of you. After you and the girl called Z and I, i dun even think i believe any human anymore.. How i wish i lost my memories of you, you ignited my long lost anger to the world and i really hate you for everything!! Ungrateful bitch, you better hide shithead! Aisyhhh.. *screaaaaammmmmmm* You totally ruined my whole mood for the next semester! But sorry, you think i'm going to keep quiet about this, just wait till i kill you with my bear hands, BITCHHHHH!!! I HAAATTTTEEE YYYOOUUU!! Why can't you just backed offkan, sial!?

To my own flesh and blood A, owh how i respected you, even when the others of our sibling doesnt,heck! i never disobey you.. I cant believe you would eff-ing grown up to be a double-face, ungrateful lesbian bitch! Mengapa kau sanggup tuduh mama yang bukan2 walhal kau tau yang mama buat semua atu untuk kebaikan akhiratmu?! Anak inda mengenang jasa orang tua, sudah tah kau buat perangai jadi lesbian, kau buat crita yang buruk2 arah parents kita arah orang yang langsung kana laknat dengan kau pastukan disampaikan si Stupid atu? Banarnya apa kau maukan? Stupid shit! I hate you too.. I dunno if i could treat you the same anymore? You dare burukkan you're on parents? Our parents? Hell no, if you're with her, you're automatically dead to me.

Somebody had to stand up and said ENOUGH! I'm surely wont be able to bear this thing alone but i'm not even gonna tell the rest of my friends about it.. Feeling about to scream and shout.. Abso-fucking-lutely!! Its enough that both of you pembawa masalah arah keluargaku.. And you even made stories about our own brother! You wou'd go behind our back and say stories about our family? Who gives you the right? Yes, father would've cursed you long time ago for treating you the same, you wont even be fucking grateful, wont you? Its not enough is it? Do you want everybody in your life die of humiliation?! It'd be nice wouldn't it? I dont think i can keep the pain any longer, i really want you out of the house, but mom always stand beside you, there to comfort you behind your back!! But you're not grateful are you? Not even once.. I really really need someone to calm me down right now. Yaaaa Rabbbiiii.. *SCREAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM*

Preparing For New Chapter.

2011-07-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

Still in 3 months long semester holiday and its about few weeks before the next semester starts. Nervous? Yes. Excited? Sort of. Most importantly, do i prepare for this? Lets see.

For the past few months, I've been staying home and looking after my niece growing up and if i have the time, definitely went out with my girls and family for our escape from the busy realistic life we had. I've had my birthdays, presents, movies, sort of life i guess and a little bit of study. I KNOW, DAT HARDWORKING!! LOL* But that was not the point, it is cleared that i haven't done anything productive really! I didn't manage to cook whatever i want, didn't get to see whomever i pleased and most of all can't make any money out of myself. Now I'm unable to foretold what my future would look like =.='.

Also, since i have been going out with my girls some of the time, i got the thinking that however will i manage myself in UBD next semester without them?

I am grateful to have Zana, Dayat and Dibah though but i am used to living with the other three. Diyanah, Erna and Shidah have been my "lightening burden, sad turns happy moments, happy to unforgettable moments" friends for quite a long time now and i don't know if i can handle the semester without having them around. Of course, we'll do see each other at times, but it surely wouldn't be the same as before. Plus, I am indeed very quite bout my problems when it comes to telling them what happen. So they will not be there to really see what happen.

I also don't know what becoming of our Choir Club, i guess its best for us to find new members and give this job to them as we are gonna get thru tough times in our Third Year.

I don't know now whether its the mood, or the hormones or Ramadhan is coming around but i don't feel like eating much. This is really not good, however will i survived KOREA in second semester, i will not know. It has been months since i had sent my application student exchange form to Korea University and i still haven't heard a thing. That makes me N-E-R-V-O-U-S too! Imagine me flying off to Korea, a place i never even wanted to be (despite people create craze for it), alone, in my own square and reading and maybe for the rest of the months keeping the same routine goin.. Siggh! I'm sure going to miss my family, girls (Erna, Shida, Diyanah, Dayat, Zana etc) They've been the best gift i've ever had in life despite our dramas. Well you now its part of growing up. If I am REALLY going to KOREA, i just wished i could say goodbye to them and hug them as if its the last day for me there.

If you want to know, I haven't told my other family members (cuzs, aunts, uncs) regarding my whereabouts nanti, bukan apa takut inda menjadi malu saja. LOL. I should wait masa aku banar2 di Airport barutah kali.

&& I just wished i have the guts as before to say something about what i felt about this guy that i fond of to the person itself. I wished, but I'm (as usual) this will be not a big of a deal for him. Later on he'll move on, so i should just shut up, keep quite and move on! Its better for him to never know cause even if he knows, I will be the one who'll blew up our friendship.

Hopefully everything will worked out the way it should be but if otherwise, whom am i to say things.. Nauzubillah.. Insya-Allah. I'll be happier to accept things.

That is all. Chaching chaching. ^__^v

FT Island - Love Love Love [english subs + romanization + hangul]

2011-06-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

Well well.. Salam and hello. Recently i've been doing nothing but was able to download all these K-Pop hits that i've not recently heard. Its funny how i started as a person who were not so fond of Korean pop songs buut as i browsed through Youtube, they are actually quiet good. I've downloaded songs from Mblaq, Teayang, FT Island, CN Blue, Beast and 2PM. And Yeap, i've managed to signed up for Twitter but couldn't get quiet use to it yet. I guess that is all. Tadda. ^^,v

Eng Sub | Beast (비스트) - Fiction (픽션) MV [HD 1080p]

2011-06-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

Even until now, I'm still in the story of you and I that hasn't ended, in Fiction

The Rain - Dengar Bisikku

2011-04-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

This song certainly reminds me to let go of all the grudges I unintend or intend to hold. Well, believe me. I practiced forgiveness since forever. Its not that I wanna brag about how cool I am about things, its just that I dont hold any grudges nor that I even care if a person or people would wanna hurt me big time. I am not fine with it nor am I suicidal about it. Really. Sometimes I even felt that things happen because of me that I am the main problem that I should be the one to change. Yes.. Big time insecurities right there!! But my gurl Erna, she taught me that not everything is about ME and things just happen because it was meant to be. She even remind me of how I am with bad things.. I let go. I questioned myself why good guys always walked out on me? Why some people just have the need to criticize who me and my gurls should or shouldn't be? Why some people just hate us for who we are? Why we have fights? Why all the dramas? Why this?? Why that?? The answer is simple.. It happens because it was meant to be and Allah sure have something great, fortunate or otherwise in store for you. I verily accept it now. I'm not sure how I will accept the future or things that will happen next nor that I'm anticipated about it. Having a time for myself and vanishing from facebook for a very long time is worth my time. I've been able to do lots of things, not just revising, I've also managed to forget all the whines and stalking sessions on facebooks. I also hope to cope with losing someone. Seriously, Im battling it.. When I saw him today.. There're Awkwardness.. Confusion.. Anguish.. Questions.. Hatred.. Despair.. Missing.. All blend in just like my favourite Chocolate shake that I always bought from one of the food branch at UBD cafe. And unlike chocolate shake, they ain't felt so right. He was happy though and I should've known that he doesnt even bothered to ask whats happening with our friendship. I just sit there and continue to tear ma heart out from afar. I'm still am fine though, not that I died right there and then. I'm just not sure how I survive but I'm sure being grateful about it. :)

Till I sign In Next Time. ^.^v <3

Younha (ft. Tablo)- Memory English subs audio

2011-04-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

Its Okey That I Only Look At You From Afar. :)

I'll Remember Your Smile. :)

I'll Remember You Cry. :)

I'll Remember Your Sweetness. :)

I'll Remember You The Moment You Listen As A Friend. :)

I'll Remember The Clothes You Wear. :)

I'll Remember The Face That You Made When You Eat. :)

I'll Remember The Moment That You Want Something. :)

I'll Remember The Day You Fight. :)

I'll Remember The Way You Walk. :)

I'll Remember The Way You Talk. :)

I'll Remember How You Act. :)

I'll Remember The Day We Went Out Together. :)

I'll Remember The Song You Played. :)

I'll Remember The Steps You Take. :)

I'll Remember The Gurl/Guy You Used To Like. :)

I'll Remember The First Time I Saw You. :)

I'll Remember The First Time We Talk. :)

I'll Remember The One Time That You Waved At Me From Ur Car. :)

I'll Remember Your "Bangangness" At Class. :)

Damn, I'll Also Remember The Jokes You Made In Class. :)

I'll Remember That You're The First Of A Kind To Give Me Present For My Birthday. :)

I'll Remember That You're A Technology Freak. :)

I'll Remember That Art Is Your Life. :)

I'll Remember That You're The One Who Appreciate Beauty. :)

I'll Remember That You Love Your Mom. :)

& Finally I'll Always Remember Everything About You & It's B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L;

Just Like The Art You Draw For People To Appreciate On. :)

The Difference In You Makes It A Guarantee That I'll Miss You Too. Nyehehehehe.

Random Poem Inspiration From Different People.

TeeHee. ^.^<3

8Eight - Without A Heart (Eng Sub) (Fan Lyrics)

2011-04-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

I Hope You Can See How I Am Without You. =.='

Nick Jonas & Miley Cyrus- Before the Storm Full (With Lyrics)

2011-04-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when you've decided, To leave me in cold, Just like the inevitable storm, You grew colder, Without any words to say, You just decided to vanish, From my life i think whence you shine, Trying to find my faults at times, I guess you were trying harder, To make it easier, you set up a barrier, You walk and when you decided to pass me by, You just decided to save me from questions, By smiling the way you always do, Smiling the first smile i saw you, But you know i'm not a fool, I felt the difference in you, Couldn't figured out what changed you, I retreat myself not only from you but from the world, Trying so hard to find the fault in me, Im guessing it was your workload that changed you, Or the gap distance between us, Even assuming words of mouth that spread about me, Its just not you, Not the one that i've talked to, As often that i care, I even wondered if think that i'm too much mess to handle, Trying to apolagize but cant find the faults that i made, Now im just not sure what kind of friends we are, I'm sure miss you every day, Not sure if you feel the same, If you really wanted to end this chapter, About us, Forgetting you & forgetting me, At least, confront, Make me cry for the last time, Rather you make me wonder and cry forever. Till I sign in . Turrah. Assalamualaikum. :)

4MINUTE「 Heart to Heart」

2011-04-06T03:19:00.000-07:00

I really like this video clip. Very bitter sweet song and this song rangs thru ma mind evryday. It was first liked by my gurl Erna when i browsed thru my youtube account and when I first listened to it, it was terrifficc.. Just what i've recently felt about someone. :).. At least i've imagined that I'll do the same thing that the gurls in the video clip would do. Hohoho. Alhamdulillah I've finished all my History assignments and all that is left is my Marketing Mega Project. Emm.. Well.. What should I blog about today. :) Nothing much. I'm just so grateful to be able to live my life once more despite the fact that i'm suffering and missing someone. Im not sure if that person feels the same. =.=' plus its hard for me to admit something about this situation. very very very hard for me.. =.= So i decided to dissappear for a while. I know its not fair for that person but Im not sure if i wanna hurt myself big time either. Yes, I got to go to Korea University for my third year study under Student Exchange Programme. I am grateful indeed but just a simple smile would do. :) . Im not sure how i can live without my friends and without seeing that someone again. But still its not like its really confirmed kali aa, becoz we'll see what the Korean University have decided for me nanti. I just hope that whatever it is they decided, i am again able to cope with their decisions for me and redha saja. Thats the best really. Im not sure if I am destined to go to somewhere i've never hoped for going but life is indeed unexpected. Ryte now i just need to study at my best and just hoping for this semester to end. That simple. Key Dats all. ^__^v <3

EARTHBOUND Conner Reeves

2011-03-15T03:55:00.000-07:00

This song rang through ma mind. One of the song which I started singing when Im 9. Its the song of never ending sorrow. What happened? We couldn't figure out any sooner. I couldn't fit the missing puzzles Myself. Somehow they just decided to lock their voice and shut themselves out from my world. Why? I dont know. How? I'm not sure. When? Cant never tell. =.=

J Rice - Thank You For The Broken Heart (Official Music Video) (Original...

2011-03-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Never really thought I would be affected by his presence that day. He looked at me and turned away. Nothing that I expect from someone like him. Nothing anymore from any guys. One gaze from them would raise my anger and shattered my happiness for now. I belief that I could do it on my own now as there's nothing to depend and hope for no more. Hope is nothing for me now nor do I have anything for anyone. I was wrong for expecting too much and to see what i shouldn't have. This is the last confusion and complexity that i wanna feel my whole life. Tears, tears, go away. Becoz love have disappeared from my way. I couldn't wish any better for these images astray. So that sadness would go your way.

Never Whine Before

2011-03-10T05:58:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum N Ahlan.

I knew it was goin to be a great day today despite the shitness that i've emotionally gone through. During the day, i was emotionally forced to wake up at 7+ am and im fine with that. So rather than bore myself to death hangin around in the library so very very early, i've decided to excite myself by following my dad to his working place (Berakas Beach). Ya Allah, his work of place was indeed awesomee and i got to see his coolies dooing all the works with full of hardwork and sacrifices. Now i've realised that in this life even with the work you don't really get excited doing would be perceived as noble by someone like me. & my dad's boss was awesomee and he's Korean. :) Hee.

I've found Aziz hangin around the library after that and decided to chat for a little while. Then i accompanied him to PMUBD shop to buy some medicinal candies for him to get his voice cured for Hadrah tomorrow at Cultural Night. I guess it doesn't really work until Zana introduced a real lozenges medicine for his vocal chord. Lol. She's indeed a miracle worker. We attended Brumpton's Imperial class talkin about slaves. Now i've always known dat being slaves could be a pain in someone's asses. U know what they say "Once you go black, you never go back". Which brings me to my next point.

Sometimes when you know that sometimes things just gets into shit, you just have to accept it the way it was. As people always say : "Things happen" or Emo people would say: "Shit happens". Besides if you wanted to join something so bad you should wanna consider joining of whether u are capable of handling the shitness that u're going thru in that particular commitment. I mean damn!! Why would you wanna enter or join something that you know you couldn't even handle in the first place. You know you got issues!! Hell you are even whining about u're life, u're incapabilities, u're insecurities of handling something. What the hell?? You even scold other people or affected others with ur shit. If u do it once in a while, it's A-okey for me. But if u're doing it for like, i dont know, months, semesters!! Who do u think you are!! The only one to care.. Damn it!! I got society to care!! Remember my families? They too!! Not you!! When you know how to take care of things without whining or even "not joining anything that u think u cant handle".. Then i think you can handle urself and not try to always bring people out of ur misery. I know we're friends and i ougght to listen. I've done it for years now. But i'm not just gonna be here to listen, i advised. & with that i expected you to not only follow but try to adapt!! Damn it, my patience ada limit. I dun think u'll even wanna know me if im releasing my stupid anger to ur face. No!! Dont do it. I know u know me as weaklings. But I cant be forever weak & u know that. "Ya Allah, Semoga aku dijauhkan dari rasa marah yang berlebihan." I just dont like the way u throw ur shit at us. Some of us may take it, some dont. Dat's not what friends do. Damn it, when u came, i never thought of even whining for a bit about friendship.. All have been normal, Now I'm the bad gurl. =.= I told you to leave that freaking shit out of ur life. But what do you do?? NO!! You continue to join IT!! I Dont even wanna know why? how? and wtf? Nah becakap tah ku tu. Haisyhh.

Another horrible things that had happened today that i hope to swallow like a panadol but still horrible and the worst one. HAPPEN!! Gosh never thought it could happened to Me to. Having my friends experincing it was ENOUGH. MasyaAllah =.= Cubaan. I never really experienced such rudeness and irrespectable actions before in life. This dude we known as "touchy" arah gurls like literally finally... dengan berani2nya tanpa legislation and undang2 hukum munakahat and hukum undang2 negara, meletakkan tangannya di Atas BAHUKU sebelah KANAN. Tanganku mula melemah dan bulu roma meremang. Aku mula merasa pipiku betukar merah padam macamkan marah tapi ia kwan baru so i dunno how to react. Tapi aku rasa diperlakukan dengan biadap sekali as if aku ane perempuan yang sanang dipigang2. Dude!! Not the way to treat a LADY. I'll tell you. Why Me? Why? I've never felt so angry,furious being treated bagiku without respect. Sekali ku cakapi atu : "You know you shouldn't DO dat?!! *angry look". *sigh*

Huh. Enough with that. Anyhow, i totally had fun with my sister and parents. Its Not just about the watching movie (esp my favourite movie NOW), shopping, eating KFC but its about how we as family trying to cope with the harsh reality of life together, spending time as if there's no tomorrow. Ya Allah only He Knows how i feel. *Sigh*

Well, i couldn't expect any worst for tomorrow. Its my rehearsal day for my performances. A lot of the people i wanted to show up couldnt come. I understand their work & assignments. So i just let them be even if their absence would be the lost of my spirit and will to go through tomorrow. Hopefully, i would get through my own demons in life, in relationships and of course in facing Allah.

Ya Allah, give me the strength to go through the harshness in reality. I seek your forgiveness for my irresponsibility and my utter lack of remembrance to Your presence. You are indeed The Great. I prayed upon the blessings for Prophet Muhammad & His families P.B.U.H. & please grant Your Blessings to my families, my friends(Erna,Shidah,Diyanah,Zana,Shikin,Zareena,Ameen,Aziz,Dayat,Jeah,Azmi,Ani,Amalina,Khai,Lisah,Hadi & the people who knows me. Thanx guys and gurls. Cant thank you enough for accepting me for who I am now and eventually always will be.) & the whole societies. Forgive all their wrongdoings and show them the path to repentance and forgiveness. May they find peace during their entire lifetime and within themselves. Al-fatihah to all my relatives and nieces, grandpas and grandmas whom I've never met, to the people in the pasts who have influenced me somehow and may they all be place amongst the Muslimin wa muslimah and mukminin wa mukminats. Amiin Ya Rabbil Al Amiin.

Till I sign in next time. I leave you all with one of my favourite scens. Assalamualaikum. ^_^

Which Guy?

2011-03-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum Wa Ahlan.

Hai Hai Hai.. After a very emotionally stressing week for me and a goodnyte experience last night, i've realised that during my entire 21 years of life, i had came across with so much intresting peoples espescially dudes. Now dont think just because im a one way plain historians that i dun talk about these things. Just like most normal gurls, we do but unlike most of them, we dont do it very often. It's just one time thing. :) Thanx to Allah for He always protect me and my gurls from troubles and if He indeed gave us one, its part of his tests and gifts to us as His creation. Alhamdulillah.

Imagine ur life without dudes and guys? Sure, basically i belief that dudes can make women cry, furious, happy without any reason, suddenly ill, spontaneous in love reaction, crazy, dull, emo everything. & Im sure some would disagree i respect that. Some would also partly believe that we'd be stuck in the dessert of loneliness. There would be no one to argue with, to tease with, to playfully flirt with, and damn there 'll be even not a single communication with the opposite species. Imagine we live in seperate universe? Now whatever it is, we definitely enjoy their company, the teasing, not so much of the flirting and most importantly, their support and advise as a friend , brother and a father. The reason I blog about guys today is not to condemn these beautiful creation of Allah nor that im awefully into over-complementing them. Just to share of the kinds of guys who came across my entire journey as a lady human. & Who despite their shitness and cruelty, i still consider and recognized their awesomeness as a friend.

Now, before i go further, i would like to apolagize if any of these kinds of dudes that i'll mention may be the quiet similiar or 100% similiar to you. Im sure that most of it is just coincidence. TeeHee. The names will be change to protect the real person involved. :)

From the very small, innocent me of 10 years.. the experience of Monkey-love was inevitable. Yes.. This particular dude was cute looking, adorable spectaclish, petite and short. We called him Kelupis (not a real name). He was great with his teasing and for a girl who experienced being bullied alot by bigger dudes felt the calmness in his presence. He has a great, sporting dad (kamching dengan kami gurls) and strict religious teaching mom. The bolt thing to be done was to write him a love letter. Hohohohoho. I still remember the long essay words that i sent. Boy!! I should've known he was a Mama's Boy. Well, briefly something happened and so i decided to forget him. Painful?? Yes , I know. So I cried and im not sure why. But im sure understand why the mother had asked me to stay away from her son. She's being protective of him of not mingling with the wong girl and stuff, i respect that and hell!! i love that kind of mother. So i decided to step back.

Now I've managed to moved on and Yeay I Got 5'B's for my primary six exam. An achievement for me and a dissapointment to his mother. :) We became awkward after that and it was only during Raya that year that i sent his family a card. The last thing that i know of him is that he had a girlfriend afterwards. Lol. Since then the occurances my life bumping into "mommy's boy" kinda dude become prevalent.

Ooo next was Keemie (not real name), tall-freakishly handsome at that time (well mukanya macam katuun dalam comic). A very gentle, nice , charming but his a ladies' man. WHoops!! Should've known before having crush on him. Gosh, teenage drama was an epic though. It turns out that he had a girlfriend and lots of crushes. Bummer!! & so I moved on & leave the dude to my friend aja. At the same time, I kinda have a crush on this also freakingly tall kinda dark dude, Dauz (not real) is his name & art is his game. From what i remember, he's freakin funny, teasers, charming and i might say beautifully talented. & he had a great wide smilee. :) After that, we just lost the connection and the last that i've known he also have and happily in a relationship with a beautiful girl. Im so happy for him. But eventually that's the last dude with artistic talented and intrestingly musical that i've met. :) Owh my Gosh, do i forget the other dudes? Zizul ( short name), now this is a freaking tall and whitish skin dude. What should i say about him?? Wohoo, totally a ladies' man, charming, a good friend, great eyes but the worst A*hole. (Not to be elaborated). Owh & this was the period where i started to write songs and that my friends discover my talents. Moving onn, things got a little more complicated with life, of course everybody had to endour such mess, but what i meant was that again, im being tested by Allah during my 10th years of studying in two schools.

This was where i re-met my old buddy Shi and a guy name starts with H (not to be mention). The first moment i saw this dude, i guess he is friendly with all the smiles and teasing and jokes. & i thought i survived from having any emotional feelings with this particular dude. Boy!! I was wrong and worst.. I confessed for the first time. He took it nicely as a friend and we dont seem to be awkward after that. We even talked on the phone late at night and sang thank God I found you song. At that time, i was definitely confused. I didnt know how to feel, to react as and Ya Rabbi, even to speak. Finally, i was guided by Allah (Alhamdulillah) and He showed me that H was going after another girl who he actually have hearts with. Gosh, i cant help it. Do I cried? What do you think? :) This is the kind of dude which made me realised that i have to stop having crushes on some random dudes and start to be strong. This self motivation of mine really works until i get my 8 O'levels and went on to Berakas Form Sixth Centre. Alhamdulillah, the more my heart breaks, the more i moved on and the more i succeeded. One thing i learned is that "Never to let heartbreaks fail what you want to achieve in real life, you just keep going".

Eventually, troubles seems to have their ways finding me. Again, crushes on tall dudes. I called him Ian (not real name), not even european, he's Bruneian. He's very smart (mentally and appearently), charming, have great smiles but most of the time would put on his serious face. Im not sure if he notice but i observed, he is a humble dude. *kaching.. combo points*. How do i even know he's humble? Well i do know that he's rich and have a big house near the stadium. Oh myy.. just a second. I guess again.. Im havin stupid crush on this dude. Apparently, he's also a mommy's boy. Jengjengjeng. Awww. Regardless, he still cute and humble for me. That counts. So what did we actually do when we bumped into each other. Basically i was very shy and just smile and sometimes if im lucky said HAI and just went on. This was also the time where i met my current angels, Erna, Diyanah & Shidah even Zana. They're monstrously beautiful in and out and even beautiful fairies wouldn't replace them. :)

I guess u're wondering, when am I going to meet my first "love at first sight"? Well just hold on to this bumpy ride story. Eventually, i made it to the next round of my challenging life into UBD. Wheee!! (sarcastically) well if i hadn't been chose to go here, none of these current situation of mine would happen. Yes? So sure im grateful coz whereever we land, whatever we planned on doing and whoever we decided to meet is in the hands of Allah. & its for FWEEEE!!. Gosh sorry. Hypocrytenya!!. ahah Sure i have my emo & indenial moments. But its only for two weeks.

Now lets see, i think i should opt out the part where there were instances of crush to this somebody dat was before I know that he was only flirting. Hohoho. Blind me. Lets go to my "love at first sight* story. It was Ramadhan, oh gosh if i mentioned all that i remember about him, you would regard me as an obsessed lady with tall white dude. Yep. I still remember that day. The Monday, we gurls were hanging out in the library, I'm wearing green baju kurung. The gurls was wearing baju kurung jua. Shi was holding a survey to be given out. and there around 2 +pm he went into the library entrance with his grey shirt and black denim jeans and grey beanie hat. Ahahhaha. I know!! Full of detail. I never knew who he was but he sure made me bolt ebough to talk to him. Shidah asked me to give out the survey and dats how i first heard his voice. & I was likee.. *sigh* I've never been so head over heels over a guy. These are the moments when im crazily doin something crazy.. Things i've never done before. After that, believe me when I say this, its all about him. I cant sleep, eat well (even though its Ramadhan), i cant focus, he's everywhere (ngam lagi tyme atu bnyak tukang rumput pakai beanie hat). Hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui.
There were lots of moments regarding him and shouldn't be brought up. Things got worst, when i found out that he's a developing solo artist under his own labels of production. He's famous di UBD saja not the whole Brunei. Everybody started to know, people started to stare and Im starting to be scared.

This was the part where letting go is necessary. Yes, i didn't fight for my love story but i never did let him go from my life. Apart from that, i kinda like someone from Unibridge, as any other dudes, he was tall, white, strong personality but a bad copy of Jehan Miskin. LOL. He's into music same like me but not into art which is very different for me. Dont blame me, im just a girl with a big heart but no ones looking. :) I should've known this dude was into one of my friend & that he was the reason that this particular nearly close friend of mine stabbed me in the back. Thanx Z (not real name) but we did talked to each other until recently. & they look happy though. *sigh* So it is only until recently, that i am able to forget my "love at first sight" dude. Alhamdulillah.
Until right now I am one of the ladies who had came across guys with different personalities but im sure they are good people and if they are indeed otherwise, eventually they'll learn to be good. I had by now endure lots of rejections, one sided feelings, backstabbing moments, too obvious feelings, too much mister popularity and damn i even came across palyboys. Lol Ohh not to forget cool nerds and amazingly natural, beautiful artistic people. :) However, no matter how much pain they've caused me and the other gurls my age and with similiar backgrounds, i have no heart feelings maybe a little but not too much. :) It is their right and i shuldn't have hope or expected too much on them. But im not wrong either coz i have feelings and im entitled to have it on anyone just not to enforce upon them.

& Right now i never wanna expect anything on anybody or someone eventhough i may started to like or befriended with them coz eventually they'll knock us down.. badly.. as in hell.. like you never wanna feeel. ahaha nadadeyh... All this stories are actually very private of me but they are also bitter sweet memories to share with.

Till I Sign In Next Tyme.

Turrah!! ^__< p

Stairway to Heaven OST 05 - Geu Gut Man Eun (Jang Jung Woo)

2011-03-04T07:04:00.000-08:00

Okey. Today I Wanna Cry But I'm Not Sure Who To Turn To. =.=. I Remember Someone Said: " Let It Out & CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" But.... *sigh*. Never Mind.

Mohamed Bash Law Sar محمد باش او صار

2011-03-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

Ahlan.

Awww.. I Just Know This Dude. Muhammad Bash. Where Have He Been All Over My 21 Years of life? He sang, wrote music and in a show call star academy just like akademi fantasia of Malaysia. But screw dat.. He sang like he nailed my heart down to the grave, melt my heart just like my first icecream sundae, paved ways for my deeply kept tears to roll down. Why?? Why?? I kept repeating this song all over again. I dont understand this song but i know what his feeling when he sang it. Its the feeling of despair, sadness, loneliness .. Most importantly about love.. all wrapped in one. I could've just post his video one by one here.. But you just have to get it yourself to earn this priceless deepfeeling voice. Ya Rabbi May Allah Bless him. ^.^ I Hope he gets his own album including this particular song.

Later I went to the Mall to watch 127Hours with the no other than my parents & Sista. Before that, i got tha chance to see this wonderful life performance from these bunch of dudes from Syrian and yes they were indeed MEGAFABULOUSO!! So here's what i witnessed.

Btw my aunt have decided to sell her fabolous and adorable cats that she had fed for the longest tyme. I guess she just love her cat too much to let them go. BUt eventually she did. Now here's the catch:(Available) 2 Female Siamese cat colour grey/brown/AGE: 7months/PRICE: $400 per cat, 1 male siamese cat/AGE: 7 months/ PRICE: $350 and a small taby brown/black/grey cat. AGE: 2months. PRICE: $300

p/s: Price can be negotiable. TQ

Till I Write Again. ^__^<3

Wish Shoulda Woulda Coulda.

2011-03-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum Warohmatullahi wabarakatuh. Ahlan.

Al yaum, astaikhizu fii as-sa'ah ath-thamaniah wa adzhabu ilal jami'ah an uktub an wajiibat at-tarikh hattan as-sa'ah ath-thaniah wa daqiqata'in fil masa. Wa baghda dzalik adzhabu ilal Fass an ahdharu ijtima'un CHOIR CLUB ma'a sadiqati. Ana la afham liinnani asbah sami'un al yaum.. hal mumkin ana janna yajinnuhu. Ana la 'arif. Al-yaum an-hatu wajibaatain. Na'am hadza khalass!! Bravo. :) Hihi. Aindi amila kullukum.

Hihi just tryin out my credibility in Arabic. Pheww!! Today alhamdulillah, i've basically manage to finish off Brumptons Imperialism Essay and Arabic Essay. Then I attend my choir club meeting. I came across my ex music club leader or my bro angkat Fu. Nyehehe. wow he did grow a lot i mean he is, i can say, as famous as usher kali in Brunei. He produced few Bruneian bands and groups like avant gard and new generation. Later came this dude, not sure what his name was.. but pfft.. not sure what to say about him. Well basically, Bro Fu's production is actually looking for singers as his composer are busy making more lyrics which no one is brave enough to sing. Ahahaha.. i wouldnt want it anyway jua.. but we did enjoy each other's musical talent though when i started to sing and he started to play the guitar... The wind just bleww away..

Hadza faqadh. Illaliqo. Wa Assalamualaikum Warohamtullahi Wabarakatuh. :)

Fun Days Within January & February. :)

2011-02-28T23:32:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum. Hihi. Batah sudah tidak berbual2 kosong. Anyhow, just wanna update what i did recently. Hhohoho. Well, basically before the mid semester break, i've done a lot of exciting movie flicks with me dad, mom and sista Faten. Wow so far we've watched Sini ada Hantu, Sanctum in 3D, Burlesque and Allah knows what more. =.= beside this, my life wouldn't actually be complete without various assignments from Historyy!!.. THANXXX!! Hewhewhew..

Well i've also celebrated one of my closest and most dearest fren, Shidah's and Dibah's on Monday the 6/2. It was a surprise indeed and they wouldn't have suspected anything. Unfortunately, not everybody can come but it was eventually a hella good tyme.

Another good things had happened within this month, that is we had managed to established our very own Choir CLUB.. Hehehe. It has been my dream to achieve something in UBD at least i dont have to be such a boring Historian as everyone might expected me to be. :D It is lead by my fwen Dayat and Neezah while I am the secretary and i am very very very happy to have the rest of my gurls in the group with. As most people would experience, having a club means having commitment to something that you would never expected of its future. Frankly saying, the beginning of this club didn't motivate me much but I remember what my dad said to me "once you go black, you never go back" Hah. so i continue my stay within the club and expected it be better next time and VWallaa.. It Did..

Moving on.. well as far as my almost love story goes.. :) I am happily pronouncing to you that I had managed to forget Him (the shrimp i supposedly dreamed of). He's out for good & I never heard, or smell or even smile for him no more. Vewyy Happy Leer. Thanx for my sister who kept supporting me, my parents (they do know and are never tired of giving ridiculous advices. LOL) and my close gurls, my angels in life. :D For forgetting him, I am now manage to befriended to someone else more normal and simply beautiful. *not to be elaborated* Keke. Basically no more worrying, no more giving S*** to what his friends would think of me, No NOTHING! My life's AWESOME again now that he's gone from my life, my dreams, my all. BASICALLY I'm Single (still and i guess forever) & AWESOME!! >.<. All I want now is to make up to all that i have lack since the beginning of me, make the most of it and maybe secretly searching for the one who could accept me the way I am.

Lets see, what else? Well owh yes.. hehe. Alhamdulillah I've successfully managed to get my Arabics Friends out to supposedly lunch into breakfast. This happened yesterday actually. We went to the place which emphasize the motto.. "Eat. Laugh. Share". Yes, ladies and gentlemen, i brought them to the PIZZA Hut and they were indeed happy and awesommely FULL. Nyihihihi. They were AWESOME actually, in which at first im not sure whether i may be able to be comfortable with them just like when im with my usually hangin out buddies. & Indeed It DID. & Im so happy that they finished all the food ahahaha It makes me emotionally happy inside too. AWWW.>.< & remember about the dudes yg I mentioned who gave me small but meaningful presents for my burthday; he's one of them. :) Guess who?

Around 2+pm was another more gruesome experince for me though. Imagine me, a full of excitement historists, imagining that lifes are full of past and future.. would have never thought to spent time and more exciting and intrestingly to watched movies "I AM NUMBER 4" with bunch of a more excited, intresting, multifun, unique people that i have dreamt of meeting.. YES I am talking about the ARTS people. They are amazing, despite the fact that i actually haven't talk to any of them.. only to Penny, Ain and Radhiatul pluz Zika. Gosh its emberassing eyh.. i stuttered, my clumsy self becoming more visible. Hawar nyinta hangout some new people who i saw everyday di UBD tapi lain2 major. They were AWESOME though, just like geng2 denganku hangout selalu its just that i never really knew them much. I wish i could but for me to be kamching to someone would take a lot of unintentional convo and spontaneous act of bravery in which yang i dun have that time. Sorang aja denganku biasa orang Art but he's wasn't there. =.=

Well malamnya aku menyambung watching "DRIVE ANGRY" with my ayah & ibu and Adik. It was actionly as expectedly super cool but the thing was there were a lot of scenes that i would think not suitable for infant and most importantly for youngsters like us who are expectedly to be the next generation of leaders in Brunei. Waisyeh. hehe. Other than that, the movies' content was very misleading as it suggested that the accountant of hell would help someone to be back from the dead and finish what he wanted to do & there's no place like hell than our own earth.. WADDA??!! == I say that this movie is partly full of crap. :) Adakah kata Nicholas Cage " Even hell knows compassion." What oh no maann.. Hell's knows no compassion for people like you as far as Im concern. Hah. *marah* hehe.

Well, i guess that is all that i wanna share about the exciting things that happened within the first two months of 2011. Years full of unexpected twist and tells. :) Until next tyme peeps. Tata. Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah Hi Wabarakatuh. ^.^v

I Miss my gurls. I leave you with our happy pics together, the things that drive me to do more photoediting sessions on my own. Maybe after assignments, i wanna edit some phutu. Hehehe. :) Toodles. <3

Intended Or Unintended.

2010-08-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

Ahlan wa Sahlan and Salam.

Alhamdulillah Syukran Ya Allah. I always knew that He Is The Almighty One. Today I pray and pray to Allah jus so I knew whether he'd (U) be my destiny or no. Well , wat do ya know? My prayers been answered. When I walked towards the library entrance, i first saw bro starfish and then I knew dat he was there. In my heart i am happy, happy to know what Allah had in store for me. He showed me the signs and I thank Allah for that. Throughout the whole day I saw him and boy.. it does mend my heart and my gurls were also there in which i also prayed to see them today. Allah is Inddeed The Most Knowing And Greatness. ^__^v The fried chicken was also good and thanks to Allah, I got what i wanted to know today. Zana on the other hand experienced some funny moments. She was unintentionally emberassed by two events which im not gonna expose here.. No sirry, its to private for ma dear Zana. Only me knows how funny it was. Anyhow, he was wearing white today, and I swear when i saw his face, my heart couldnt stop beating jus like the first tyme i saw him. I understand if he doesnt like me as much as i love him and i dun even wanna blame the girls before me for hurting him either. The only thing that counts is that i'll love him no matter what (still gonna control myself), focus on my study more and make my parents and frens happy. The key here is to be positive no matter what. InsyaAllah. If he (U) is intended for me, there's no way i could've lose him. But if Allah plans the other way, then i'll just have to face it despite the fact that i love him to much because this is reality and i have to face the challenge. >.<>

Till I sign In again

TeeHee. ^__^v salam.

Feeling Awesome. ^__^

2010-08-22T04:55:00.000-07:00
Ahlan Wa Sahlan.

Nothing special today.. Woking up from a not so weird dream, I was asked to go along with ma family to the Mall dis morning. And yes i admit dat it was a great tyme and i feel all good. =)
Well it started with fetching my niece from her house and later off to Mall. In Mall, we didnt do much, just a simple shopping groccery day with the sister and mother. I bought new Tudong. Yeayerrss. Back home, I accompanied my dad mengupak udang and butchering the fishes. Then, I planned to rest for a while but its not working and i suddenly have the urged to watch movies downstairs and Alhamdulillah the movies being previewed was great. I was there for the whole 5 hours straight with ma niece until the Maghrib came. Boy was I terlalai for ma prayers.. ~sigh~ Well. Dats just typical "always make mistake" kinda a human i guess. On the whole, I feel Awesome much. The night comes, then i'll do my school work. That's all. TeeHee. ^__^v.

Its Just My Life. ^__^

2010-08-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Salam and hello.

Hehehe well well well seems like batah dah inda ku blogging owh well.. heheh. Hmm what should i talk about today. ahaha. Firstly, someone gave me something today. =) and it was special to me although hadiahnya sederhana. I never get anything from a dude let alone presents. I feel sorry though he's been quite sick today. =( sad much and he didnt laugh at all today. I jus hope he get well soon and be back on track. Hehe. After that my motivation boosted up and in fact i kinda did well in my Arab and especially South Asian Class presentation tutorial today. Believe it or not i kinda got an A for it. I never figure out why? Maybe its because of that incident. Hohohoho.. >.< *shy much* hehehe. Well its now been six weeks after i decided to move on and control my feelings from this dude (U) who i kinda like for such a long tyme. Eventually he always showing up in front of me recently which i cant quite figure out why? Why? Why? ~sigh~

Well it doesnt matter coz I believe that I will make it through this disaster. =__=' InsyaAllah. I guess Im just gonna keep pray to the only one I truly love -"A". =). Well it is indeed the month of Ramadhan and how I wish i can forget him before he's gone for good then im afraid dat im not strong enough dat I'd cry. =__='. How I miss erna, shidah, diyanah and adibah to be there and have a good laugh with me everyday but things seems to be different i guess with them with their own major and im with myself , zana, ameen and dayat. =). Im still grateful though coz Zana have been really supportive of me along the road. I Rike You zana. Nyehehe

I can't understand how i manage all these years with all the heartbreaks and school dramas and Im pretty sure that i should be thankful with all I have these days; Allah, my family, my gurls(erna, zana, shidah, diyanah, dayat, adibah, shikin, nisa and izun) and i pretty sure i miss Ani. =S. Where is she? . Out of all this, of course im still searching for the one.. Well at least an effort because I know well dat guys nowadays dont just accept a lady like me who's not fit to be near them. Well i dunno maybe Im jus not confident enough to have one of my own. But seeing Zana and Ameen with Izun and Waqiy, Im sure I am capable of finding somebody who would love me the way i am.. or not? -__-. Well thanx to this (Z) gurl dat made me the way i am today; low motivated pathetic fake smile lady.. (Fake smile coz I wasn't really content with my life but being grateful about it its just enough). I know i easily forgave people easily but not to the extend of forgetting it just like that. I cant understand why some are just fake and have the heart to hurt their own frens (or at least i tot i was) by sneaking up behind them. =S
One of my favourite painting.
Anyways i just hope that things will get even better the next day or the next and the next. =) Alhamdulillah I managed to study well today and I've done one of my presentation well. There's two to go: understanding Gender and History practise.. Well at least one and a half. Okies until I log in again. Illaliqo Blog. ^__^v.

A New Day.

2010-03-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Im BACK!! Yes, Qido is Back but this wouldnt be an ongoing thing if u'd ask me as my life is not that interesting to be write or read upon. Its jus one of the days where i felt like pouring ma heart out. LOL!! Its saturday, the day that i shud attend my MIB Tutorial but this sickness jus kept on crawling back in ma immune system. It is the time when Im in bed and got nothing to think of. Just three things actually that always made its way to ma CNS (Central Nervous System aka Brain Aka Thoughts).. Udang, Exam N Presentations. Y I always thought of this dude is for so many undescribable reasons. The feelins I've had for this guy is getting stronger and stronger and its not about to get weak ever since I met him for the first time on 24th August 2009,Monday. That time was fasting month and We were in the library handing out questionnaires. He was wearing his Grey T-shirt with blue jeans and Grey Beanie hat and this dude "mengatil" aku. AHahhaha it was a hilarious moment when I think of it and that was the day i admit I fall in love q(^_<)p. I guess people called it "Love at first sight".. But at that time i wasnt sure as I thought I only like him but it wasnt until I realised that I changed... More crazier I guessed.. I cant even explain y i even bother to write about him.. Ahahhaha so silly of me. Well jus ryte this afternoon ma goddesses Zatil called and ask if I with the rests of ma buddies would go and became models for her friends but i decline. And So is my Erna pursuading me to go out with the rests of them.. Again I passed.. That is not the usual me becoz the usual me is a gurl who would wanna go out even without the invitations from ma gurls.. Hahahahha I jus dunno what came over me today. So tired and sleepy. Cant quite remember what happened yesterday or the other day.. I think im losing my "qiddiness" as i might call it.. Right now, Im missing ma old buddies Ani Sakinah, Nisa Bazilah, Elliza, Ili Nadzirah.. N few gurls yang batah inda ku jumpa. I Really Miss U Gurls =).So I hopes that whatever it is that came over me today would make me smile even more than before and I have to admit that all my trials and tribulences from the very start of the semester had open ma eyes wider for me to see things more clearer nowadays. I might have lost my "qiddiness" at times but im not about to quit in everything I started and Imma keep working hard and doin it smart until I get what I really deserve. Right now Im jus happy and very greatful to have ma godessess and buddies to support and lift me up whenever Im in doubts and despair. I just want you gurls and guys to know that I appreciate U all. N for the guy who I fall for.. " Im not gonna quit on U. Imma keep lovin ya as always but im not hoping for u to return my pitiful feelins for ya.. Im jus gonna wait for U forever and ever baby"

How much love I received?

2009-08-11T03:23:00.000-07:00
Salam all my sisters and guys .. Okey.. Today not much had happened.. Jus went to my History lesson this morning and found out that my lecturer is not the one that will bore me to death after all.. We had a joyous laugh that morning. Soon after the class finish, I gave my new enrolled fren a tour around the faculties starting from the library.. Its like im being the host of "The UBD Tourism Show".. Lol.. So at 11 lalu kmi makan d canteennya.. hahah puasku makan.. hahahah.. Then we toured and sent her to the FOS.. Then Me N yana jus wait for the others to come.. I got a special gift today that no one has ever ever gave me.. That is the Book of Wisdom from my dear Erna.. I still love the other gives i got though.. heheheheh.. Jus before the second lecture starts, we had this religious convo wic mada me think twice about the email issues nowadays.. Then we finally got on the back seat of the PPD classs.. Today class was much more intresting than before as there was a few debates in theories and facts.. wakakak.. That's what I call a lessons.. Well I hae to take my ID tomorrow, tadi tutup memanjang aa.. Tidur kali the people yg menjaga aa.. heheh.. Jus so u know my spanish class were changed to thursday and saturday.. *Pfffft*.. Huh.. I miss that dude, I jus dunno why.. Blalalblablablablabla.. Enough with my lovey dovey story.. Wanna know more just listen to the song.. Thats my love story.. Finally it rains.. Alhamdulillah.. Okey dokey gonna copy more

Romance Day

2009-08-02T04:59:00.000-07:00

Salam N HeyEveryone.. Being in 'a not so tight' schedules for the pasts few days had allowed me to relax n watch some movies that I've waited for like a gazzillion year ... Heeheee I've watched The Ghosts Of Girlfriends pasts.. Well for me its a 4 stars movie and i think it has a rather unique stroyline.. What I learned from the movie itself was that any jerks (guys that is) throughout the whole wide world actually do have feelings despite what people think of them and ONLY a special woman or a woman who happens to be in their life for so long could undertsand how they feel or felt throughout the guy's life.. But hey.. Its just a one gals point of view.. The Proposal however had brought out the best performances and storylines with its very, very humorous and romantic lines and scenes and all the big hits superstar like *drooooll* Ryan Reynolds and the all time romantic comedy queen- Sandra Bullock.. Hence The 9 out of 10 rate for the movie.. Well I wont tell you the rest coz u shuld juz watch n rate it for yourself.. Im Gonna be busy for the next feww weeks coz the semesters are about to start.. So Until next time.. tata

P.S. I Love You.. (^_<)v

Registration Day

2009-07-26T02:48:00.000-07:00
Vein Jus Lyk her aunt..HEheh

3 years old

2 months old

Oooh HEheeh Hello Again and Assalamualaikum.. Well today is a nervewrecking day and luckily i got my sisters support around.. Dunno wat i do without em'.. Registration day includes paying stuffs and taking our allowance form which required a lot of writting.. *sigh*.. I followed Shidah's home and get some Mango's for my parents.. I got tired and went to sleep.. Jus like an ordinary days.. Well.. not much to say.. M just lucky to be alive .. Huh I Miss my Baby Balqis.. EHhehe.. Look how big she grown.. She is now 3 years old.. She's my angel!! Cute huuh?!EHhehhe.. So Okey.. Tata.. Until next time.

Happy Day =)

2009-07-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

My Gawd he's hawt..eheheheh.. Jus watched it dis morning and for me its a thumbs up movie.. Im Watching it with ma gurlz Nisa,Elwina,Zareena And Dibah.. We had a blast there.. HAhaha.. Then we met up Erna who was watching movies with her sisters.. Den we went on to Jaya Hypermart.. Got lunch at Ideal.. N went to D Mall.. Hehehheheh.. I know!!! =) El N Nisa seems to be enjoying their shopping spree.. Hahahahah.. well Erna n Dibah.. we juz hav to wait for our turn ryt.. All In All, Its all been a great day.. N we gurlz hav been talking about alot of things wic is fun.. hahhah Wat else..? Ummmm Ooo Yea Johnny Depp HAHhaha *Drool* Den We all Got home around five pm..

Hardest Month

2009-07-23T01:01:00.000-07:00

Salam N Hey Guys and Gurlz.. Today i've just compiled all of my all time favourite songs.. In listens to these songs when i was 6 or 7 years old.. So I want you guys to know me through listening to these songs coz they really represents what m goin thru in life.. So Enjoy Darlz.. Muahz Hugzz Take Care.. TeeHee (^_<)v!!

I Think Im Just Being Foolish.. Hoping For Nothing..

2009-07-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

Baby..

I know the story

I've seen the picture

It's written all over your face..

Sadly,

U Never Gave Me

Too Many Chances

To Show You how Much I Care..

Oooh I should've read the story

I Should've Read the signs..

Anyway.. Anyway..

I Guess Its Over..

I cant Believe That i've been fooled again

I thought this love would never end

How was I to know

U Never told me..

If I Could I Would

Turn Back The Time..

OOh Yeah

I should've Read The Story

I should've read the signs anyway

I Guess its over..

P.S I Love You

20th July 2009

2009-07-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

This Is Me, El N Erna taking pixies while waiting for the HP Movies to premiere.. P.S Nisa Is supposed to follow but caught on something impporttant today.. =) Before that we were windowshoppi-ing at Hua Ho Kiulap and other boutiques.. Heheh it was funny becoz at first it was very long for us to wait to go into the cinema and we like have to go back and forth to the toilet to wait for everybody to go in.. Heheheheh.. Finally we got into the cinema and watch the movie.. FINALLY!! Lol.. But there things that disturbs me there.. First was this couple sitting near me.. I swear i could see them snoggling each other whiich for me is VERY disturbing and Annoying.. Ewww.. Walaupun kan menunjukkan diri atu romantik jgan jua kan tegesel2 kali aa.. Gali me baaa..hahhahahah.. Well, HP for me was not as great as m expected.. I would expect that Harmoine and Ron would hook up.. But there was only a minor jealous scene which is seripusly not enough.. Hehehehe.. I admit that Ron is Very Annoying coz he's not getting Harmoine's signals..hahah He's still cute though.. *pfft* that won-won.. Well that's all i can say for the movie.
But Seriously.. Never watch skrip 7707 .. I tell you that they're VERY lame.. This was the first time im criticizing a horror movie as I am a kid who grew up watching Horror Movie.. Aiyte Thats it..v (^_<)v
P.S I Love You Guys..

Im Happy

2009-07-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

Salam N hello my sistas.. =) M Back coz my broadbands back.. Hehe Juz Gonna Update You.. Everythings happens so fast and i still can remember what had happened to me in the past few weeks.. Heeheheheh... M jus gonna say that i found a new friend this month and he's been such a great friend because he always keeps me smile when u guys not around.. =) hehehe.. Sorry (he's confidential).. I've Been accepted as UBDians on my birthday (6th July) at the same time I turn 20.. kekkkekekek.. Well what else?.. OOO OOO I've watched alot of movies recently including Transformers 2, Ice Aage 3, Skripp 7707 and recently with my sisters was Harry Potter 6 The Half Blood Prince.. Well I'm not busy preparing for school if that's wats ur asking.. Lol.. All in all im juz happy for the past few days and now even more happy to update you bout me.. Now that the broadband is back!! Wohhoo M Gonna Enjoy This>>..\\ Laters.. =)

2009-06-23T04:57:00.000-07:00

Wahahahahahha... Akhirnya aku dapat mengusai-usai blog ku dgn lagu kesukaan beta...wahahahahaha
k link me yeahp..

Mp3Raid music code

2009-06-23T04:00:00.001-07:00

damien rice mp3 | damien rice lyrics
free music downloads | funny games | damien rice pictures

Introduction

2009-06-23T03:15:00.000-07:00

To be brief.. Im Aqidah.. New to the Blog hehehehehehe.. Dunno Wat to say .. Jus Being accepted by University Of Bradford as their student today. But im still waitin for Scholarship Interviews. I spent most of my Days wandering and lazying around so i decided to publish my own story on my blog..hahahaha.. Whatever!! So to my dear sisters... heheheh.. I Have a blog already..hehehehehehe... Yahoo.. So From Now On This is where you guys n ladies read about me.. K Enjoy.... v(^_<)v Btw See You Guys During Sir Jibby's Wedding...

Unexpected Twist Of Tale

Invisible

It Hurts(Slow)

I Questions..

Mixed Feelings

Like A Skyscraper

What the F***?

Preparing For New Chapter.

FT Island - Love Love Love [english subs + romanization + hangul]

Eng Sub | Beast (비스트) - Fiction (픽션) MV [HD 1080p]

The Rain - Dengar Bisikku

Younha (ft. Tablo)- Memory *English subs* audio

8Eight - Without A Heart (Eng Sub) (Fan Lyrics)

Nick Jonas & Miley Cyrus- Before the Storm Full (With Lyrics)

4MINUTE「 Heart to Heart」

EARTHBOUND Conner Reeves

J Rice - Thank You For The Broken Heart (Official Music Video) (Original...

Never Whine Before

Which Guy?

Stairway to Heaven OST 05 - Geu Gut Man Eun (Jang Jung Woo)

Mohamed Bash Law Sar محمد باش او صار

Wish Shoulda Woulda Coulda.

Fun Days Within January & February. :)

Intended Or Unintended.

Feeling Awesome. ^__^

Its Just My Life. ^__^

A New Day.

How much love I received?

Romance Day

Registration Day

Happy Day =)

Hardest Month

I Think Im Just Being Foolish.. Hoping For Nothing..

20th July 2009

Im Happy

Mp3Raid music code

Introduction

Younha (ft. Tablo)- Memory English subs audio